Who I am Today

        Growing up is a difficult experience on it's own. What makes it memorable is the experiences you encounter. I have many "adult" memories that have altered my life in some way, shape, or form. Although many of these memories, or experiences, are minor there are quite a few that had a major impact on me. I can remember many vivid memories, brought on by one main experience. My EX boyfriend, Cody.

        In 2011, I met a guy named Cody. We started talking after he saw me and recognized me from a volleyball game. He then added me on Facebook, and began messaging me. He was a year older than me, only lived about 20 minutes away, and managed to make me feel like his princess. Except, not all fairy-tales last forever. Not long after we began dating, I found out from multiple people that he had cheated on me... and not just once. He had not only slept with one of the most "disgusting" people from my area, but also slept with many other girls behind my back. With that news, I was devastated. I had known him for many years through livestock events, but never thought of pursuing any type of relationship with him.

         Now, I wish I never would have pursued a relationship with him. I was Stupid. Even after finding out the heartbreaking news, I still remained with him. I would give my all to him, knowing I was not receiving his in return, and I suppose that is what kept me trying. After we talked about it, things got better, but only for a while. We would break up over stupid arguments, and fight verbally and physically about the choices we both made. Still, I would not leave him.

         About a year and a half after we first began dating, he began talking to girls again. Therefore, we broke up. During this time I am sure many things happened that I still do not know about, but once I started moving on, the break up became unacceptable. He deliberately caused drama between himself and the guy I was interested in at the time. When Cody insulted me, my new interest was fairly unhappy and had words with my ex. They then agreed to meet up and fight, so I took my new interest's side. We showed up, prepared to fight one on one with my ex Cody. We then realized that was a poor decision when 7 of his buddies jumped out the car with him.

        At that point, Cody had my interest jumped, and had a girl thinking I had talked about her, just so she could fight me. Cops got involved, and needless to say my new interest was ruined. You would think a girl would walk away after her ex did something to her like that, right? Like I said, I was an idiot. I went back to him a little less than a month later, and surprisingly things got better. We moved in together over the summer until I had to leave for college. That is when the lies began again, and the fighting worsened.

         I then went off to college, single. Ever since, I have barely heard from him. Sometimes we talk, but only as friends. That relationship not only took a toll on my body, but also on my emotions. He made me an angry person. He made me feel insecure. He also made me feel little, weak, and destroyed any trust left within me. Coming out of that relationship, I cannot stand liars and/or cheaters. I also cannot trust in anything or anyone. If something or someone you love that much can do such harmful things to you, what stops anyone else from doing the same?

          Thankfully, I met my current boyfriend James, and he is the most wonderful man I have ever met. He treats me with great respect, he is honest with me, and he appreciates me for what I am worth. Overall, he has shown me what a real relationship is, and being with him has taught me what a horrific relationship I was in. While I may have some good memories with Cody, I deserved much better; because of that, I have learned my self worth and when to walk away.